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Posts Tagged ‘Work’

Fire

I just listened to a podcast of Manic Mommies about family first entrepreneurs.  Something that the guest speaker said really hit home with me.  He said that there are three steps to successful entreprenuering: ready, aim and fire.  Many people get stuck in the aim phase and just keep aiming and aiming and aiming…You get the idea.  Anyway, I heard this and realized that he was talking about me.  That is exactly my life.  I say I want to be a writer, but do I write?  Not really.  I keep waiting for my masterpiece to appear without working at it.  I say I want to be a painter, but I rarely paint.  I dream about opening a coffee shop or a bookstore, but I never move forward with these dreams.  I talk about making my own cheese, but I’ve never even purchased a piece of cheesecloth.  I know I’m a little bit ridiculous, but I also feel like I was broadcast the same message on a recent episode of Ugly Betty.  The rich guy, Matt, kept choosing a new profession whenever he felt his initial passion for it dying down.  I’m the girl with three quarters of a Masters degree.  I feel like G-d is using the media to tell me that it’s time to get a move on.  I’ll be twenty seven years old at the end of the month,  I have a son.  Now it’s time to get a little direction.

It’s not about the inspiration to achieve greatness.  It’s about the drive to follow things through.  If I were only good at one thing, it might be easier to decide what to do with myself.   There are so many things that I enjoy doing that I find it hard to limit myself to one real passion, and yet it is difficult to accomplish anything while doing a little bit of everything.  When I was little I was told that I could be anything when I grew up.  But what I didn’t understand was that, for most people, you can only be one of those people.  If you’re lucky you might have two successful careers.  So all these years I have been aiming for various things, but I’ve never really launched myself into a full fledged professional life.  I’ve just been waiting for it to happen.  If I keep on this path, I’m going to end up doing administrative tasks for all of my professional life.  I think this is part of why I decided to become a stay at home mom right now.  I didn’t feel that my job was important enough to warrant leaving my child in daycare despite the fact that I was our sole source of income prior to birthing the baby.

In light of all this, here is my public resolution to begin writing every day.  I think that writing is the sort of career that can blend well with raising a family.  I would like to commit to writing five hundred words per day.  Wish me luck!

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After all that packing, when I’m getting ready to head out the door…my phone rings!  It’s the secretary from the job interview place saying that they’re going to have to cancel.  We’re supposedly rescheduled for tomorrow, but now (I know you’re shocked) I’m even less interested in the position.  They didn’t even have the courtesy to let me know far enough in advance to stop me from cutting up carrot sticks and sticking them in a ziploc.  The good news is, I was sitting there with a packed diaper bag, snacks at the ready…so I went into the city center.  And I had a great time!  🙂  I took care of some long overdue business there and picked up a few treats for myself and TzurTzur.  All’s well that ends well.

The biggest triumph of the day, though, is that I managed to take public transportation alone with the baby.  This is one of my biggest fears.  The buses here tend to be overcrowded. (Understatement.)  I am petrified of being stuck in the crowd with the baby and not being able to get off the bus.  I wasn’t brave enough to take my uberheavy stroller, but I did venture out with him Bjornally (my word) strapped to my front.  I am very proud of myself. 

Today, the bus–tomorrow the world!

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prunes, almonds, yogurt, a peach, water bottle, cucumber and carrot sticks, 5 diapers (it’s far away), wipes, recieving blankets (2), changing mat, change of clothing for the little one, little hat, sunscreen, money, sunglasses, medical records (I have another stop on my way home that these are for), cell phone, keys, blanket for the floor, rattle, plastic spoon, napkins, pencil, notebook…what am I missing?

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Today I’m going to interview for a job that I’m not really interested in getting.  I’ve been ambivalent about whether to actually show up for the interview or not, but I’ve decided to go.  The reason I’m going is actually because I’m not interested in going.  I think it will be good for me to get out there and have an interview.

I haven’t worked since my son, now almost five months old, was born.  I was supposed to go back to my job after three months of maternity leave, but I couldn’t bear to leave him with a babysitter all day.  So I became a stay at home mom.  I’ve really always wanted to be a stay at home mom, but I feel guilty not working in today’s dual income based society.  As I said to my mother, “I hate the feminists!!! Why did they do this to me?  I could’ve raised my kids in peace, and now I’m expected to be superwoman.”  I don’t understand how most women manage to do it all.  I feel like my life is very full without going to work every day.

The job that I’m interviewing for will not require me to put my son in daycare.  Which is nice.  But it will require me to work in the evenings and be on call 24/7.  And I’m told the employer has “difficulty” paying on time.  Growing up, we were always told that beggars can’t be choosers.  But I don’t feel like a beggar.   I’m silly like that.  I’m not sure why I feel like the lessons I learn should never apply to me.  I guess I’m spoiled.  My husband tries to explain to me why, practically speaking, I need to work.  And I understand him.  But it still doesn’t really hit home for me.  I guess until we really run out of money, it won’t seem real to me.

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