GAAAAHHHH!!! Buying a home is stressful for those like me. And by those like me, I do mean the decisionally challenged. I can barely choose a salad from a restaurant menu. How can I possibly choose an apartment from all the apartments for sale in the greater metropolitan area?! And the agonizing has just begun. Every choice seems wrong. Either it will be too small, too ugly or too far away from the city center. Or possibly all of the above. The fact that we’re trying to buy in area that we cannot really afford makes every choice seem loaded. Realtors try to make us feel bad in order to convince us to take a worse apartment for more money, but nowadays people have access to the internet, realtor fools!!! We can see what is really available, and if we are persistent and conscientious enough, we can find a good apartment in our price range. I know it! We shall prevail. I just have to make some serious decisions and not look back. GAAAAAHHHHH!!!
I read Horton Hatches the Egg to Tzuriel for the first time. As I read, my heart began to swell. By the time I finished reading the book, my heart was size of all the world around. The emotion contained in the metaphor of the book is so potent, so poignant, that the story remains timeless. I couldn’t believe that it was from the 1940’s with a message that felt so modern. I felt like every word was loaded. It is instructive in the morality sphere without becoming preachy. Best of all, it appeals to the child’s sensibilities of right and wrong in an unclear world. Seuss ends off telling the reader that Horton gets to keep the child he so invested himself in as he “should” be able to. Things turn out as they are meant to be and all is well with the world. But you get the sense of what might be someone else’s story–the story that “shouldn’t” be, but is. I cannot think of another children’s author that even compares. And I LOVE children’s literature. I can think of many authors I adore, some even more than Dr. Seuss. Yet, I feel like he stands alone nonetheless. I aspire to create on his level, to create something beautifully meaningful without missing a beat of the sillies.
Testing my really fancy Word Blog Publisher. Publish, I say! Publish!
Hi all…haha! I kid you. We all (ie me) know that there are no readers here. But anywhoo–if you want to see me not post elsewhere, you can now follow me on Twitter! Now I can tell potential employers that I’m of this century.
I just spoke with a friend yesterday about how blessed I feel to be living where I live. I told her that I knew that there were people who would kill to be in my situation. I’ve been thinking about it, and I don’t know how I deserve to be so lucky. Maybe I don’t deserve it. Maybe there is another impetus for my situation other than myself. I am married to a wonderful man. I have a beautiful, healthy (bli ayin hara) child that I didn’t have trouble conceiving. I am healthy (bli ayin hara.) I may not have an income, but I do have enough savings that I don’t need to worry. I have a college degree. I am bilingual. And I wake up every morning in a sunny paradise in the holiest city in the world. I have cherry tomatoes growing in my window-boxes and herbs on my windowsill. I have a washing machine to wash my clothes with and sunlight to dry them. I eat delicious fresh fruits and vegetables from farms not too far from my home. My husband studies Torah and has found a career that fulfills his passions for history, religion and the outdoors. Could I possibly ask for more? I live wonderfully on very little money. I love to cook, so I don’t mind eating at home. More importantly, I’m a good cook, so my husband doesn’t mind eating at home. We have friends who come eat with us, bringing laughter (and wine) to our table. I live in a dream world.
I wish I could tell other people how to achieve this. But I don’t even know how it happened to me. I think my happiness has to do with my apartment. This is ironic because most of my grief also comes from my apartment…The appliances that break, the landlord who leaves something to be desired, etc. But the fact that I can sit here with windows on all sides enjoying the sound of the chirping birds every day is fantastic. It should be the ideal atmosphere for writing my masterpiece. ;-) Maybe I’ll try to get started.
I just listened to a podcast of Manic Mommies about family first entrepreneurs. Something that the guest speaker said really hit home with me. He said that there are three steps to successful entreprenuering: ready, aim and fire. Many people get stuck in the aim phase and just keep aiming and aiming and aiming…You get the idea. Anyway, I heard this and realized that he was talking about me. That is exactly my life. I say I want to be a writer, but do I write? Not really. I keep waiting for my masterpiece to appear without working at it. I say I want to be a painter, but I rarely paint. I dream about opening a coffee shop or a bookstore, but I never move forward with these dreams. I talk about making my own cheese, but I’ve never even purchased a piece of cheesecloth. I know I’m a little bit ridiculous, but I also feel like I was broadcast the same message on a recent episode of Ugly Betty. The rich guy, Matt, kept choosing a new profession whenever he felt his initial passion for it dying down. I’m the girl with three quarters of a Masters degree. I feel like G-d is using the media to tell me that it’s time to get a move on. I’ll be twenty seven years old at the end of the month, I have a son. Now it’s time to get a little direction.
It’s not about the inspiration to achieve greatness. It’s about the drive to follow things through. If I were only good at one thing, it might be easier to decide what to do with myself. There are so many things that I enjoy doing that I find it hard to limit myself to one real passion, and yet it is difficult to accomplish anything while doing a little bit of everything. When I was little I was told that I could be anything when I grew up. But what I didn’t understand was that, for most people, you can only be one of those people. If you’re lucky you might have two successful careers. So all these years I have been aiming for various things, but I’ve never really launched myself into a full fledged professional life. I’ve just been waiting for it to happen. If I keep on this path, I’m going to end up doing administrative tasks for all of my professional life. I think this is part of why I decided to become a stay at home mom right now. I didn’t feel that my job was important enough to warrant leaving my child in daycare despite the fact that I was our sole source of income prior to birthing the baby.
In light of all this, here is my public resolution to begin writing every day. I think that writing is the sort of career that can blend well with raising a family. I would like to commit to writing five hundred words per day. Wish me luck!